Trigger the Press

Ballon D’umb: Everton Owner Docked IQ Points

Farhad Moshiri has been found guilty of being the Premier League’s thickest owner...

Professional miseryguts Roy Keane had to undertake years of training to understand the concepts of ‘fun’ and ‘banter’...

It’s close to kick off, and something evil’s lurking on the board...

Blatant bias is fine when it can be played off against mind-boggling incompetence - just ask PGMOL!

Tactics experts are stunned that Man City haven’t won as many games without their top players

A self-help guide for out-of-favour footballers

Fans will all love him, and they really won’t care that his background and cabinet seem a bit bare.

Brighton have a machine for infusing crash test dummies with abilities from Football Manager

Not playing for your club? Injured? Dead? Get on the plane, baby!

25 kids. 25-year deals. Lego. No wonder London’s under-10 talent is heading to Stamford Bridge...