Tactics experts are stunned that Man City haven’t won as many games without their top players. Even with De Bruyne injured, Rodri banned, Gundogan and Mahrez sold off, the treble winners were tipped to walk the league.
“Top players win games? That’s ridiculous!” said City fan Mark Hentooth, “Everyone knows it’s the system, the tactics, the managerial genius of Pep. It’s actually a brilliant move, selling off a midfield of proven winners and piling the pressure on untested academy graduates. He’s too much of a football genius for it not to work, and he knows it. He’d never get caught out huffing his own cultured European farts.
“Anyway, it’s clearly Pep’s bulbous football brain that’s won all our trophies, not the players that slid in on an oil slick of totally legit sportswashing dosh.”
Tactical afficionados are similarly astonished that star striker Haaland needs be passed the ball before he can score. Who knew?