Lottery for drunk fans to draw offside lines.
The winning fan will need to be so shirt-dribblingly stewed that they can barely hold a pen (tough competition then). They will then flub any attempt at favouritism more embarrassingly than an Onana save. After all, blatant bias is fine when it can be played off against mind-boggling incompetence – just ask PGMOL itself! And if that doesn’t seem fair, we all know luck eventually straightens out. Unlike the offside lines.
Any PGMOL apology to issue ‘get out of jail free’ card to affected team.
Liverpool’s next offside goal will stand. Brighton can claim a penalty whenever they like, but they shouldn’t waste it against Forest, who can cancel a penalty at will. Douglas Luiz has the go ahead to start whatever shit he likes. Gary O’Neil’s next sideline antics will gain Wolves a penalty. If Odegaard hacks Eriksen, it counts as a goal. All perfectly fair.
Key moments to be recreated in post-game amateur theatre.
Spurs v Liverpool, the musical! With your embarrassing aunt and some poor kid from the local polytechnic drama department recreating Jones and Jota’s carded offenses, Diaz’s onside goal, and the officials’ confusion – all through off-key operatics. They’re amateurs, so they might forget their lines. No professionals, especially not refs, would ever do that.
It’s the only replay Klopp’s likely to get, but he can take some comfort from knowing the officials will suffer through it.
Refs’ arses to be mic’d
The only ref-hole left that hasn’t been proven incapable of clear communication. And we’ll know the moment they realise they’ve made a mistake.