European courts have ruled that a reboot of 2021’s Super League could see a continent-wide release this Christmas.
The 2021 theatrical cut featured Barcelona parademon Joan Laporta and Guardian of the Galacticos Florentino Perez resolving their lifelong feud by getting into bed together – a stark contrast to the lovers-to-enemies arc of PremCU mainstays Guardiola and Arteta.
A few days after the release, allegations emerged that Laporta and Perez had tried to fuck UEFA, FIFA, the Premier League, La Liga and Serie A. This was corroborated by the rest of the cast, who joined the #NotMeToo movement and asked for their names to be withdrawn.
However, a proposal for a snider version of Super League came hot on the heels of last week’s court judgement. The new extended League would feature three levels of superheroes: golden age, silver age, and aver-age, and would be free to watch for anyone with a motherbox installed in their home.
Many of the problems of the 2021 release will be removed from the reboot. Famously, after late reshoots, the genitalia the Real and Barca leaders sport on their foreheads was unconvincingly CGI’d out – these shots will be the first cut from the new League.
None of the supporting cast will return, but trailers show friendly neighbourhood spiderman Girona swinging down from the top of La Liga to chirp, “Hey guys, you’re not planning a cashgrab breakaway without me, are you?”. Atletico Mineiro feebly mutters something about having a Hulk. Then Laporta and Perez snap their fingers and relegation disappears, along with the last shreds of their sporting integrity.
Meanwhile, Captain FA himself, Harry Kane, voiced what many fans were thinking: “If Real Madrid and Barcelona want to join the PremCU, they should just work their way up from Division 2 like everybody else. We’ll soon realise they don’t have superpowers when they’re getting the shit kicked out of them at Gillingham.”
So yes, there was an idea, but it’s sinking so fast that even plans for matches in Atlantis have been scuppered.