“There’s managerial gold in that there potato-head!” cried Tom Brady when he snapped up top coach, tactical mastermind and leader of men Wayne Rooney.
“Yee-ha, boys,” said the Birmingham City co-owner, “there’s no limit to the generation of golden teamwork and leadership that saw England fail to qualify for Euro 2008!
“Sentient thumb Wayne Rooney is the manager for us – can’t count higher than his fingers, but there ain’t more players than that on the soccer pitch anyhow, are there?”
83 days, 15 games, 9 losses and one sacking later, Brady was marginally more contrite: “You know, as an NFL legend, I’m a natural soccer leader.
“And I thought Wayne was just like me – we both played at the top of our sports, and based on that we both rushed gung-ho into leadership roles.
“But you can sure as hell bet I won’t waste a second worrying how Wayne’s failure might reflect on me – no parallels to be drawn there, no-siree!
“Anyway, it seemed like a safe bet. It wouldn’t be called the Golden Generation if they all turned out to be shit at teamwork, right?”
Meanwhile, Rooney spoke out on being fired: “Given more time, I would have brought in better players – the kind that could get us into the play-off spots. You know, like the current players were doing until the moment I took over.”