As New Year’s resolutions get dropped faster than Arsenal’s lead at the top, we review the season so far, and what fans can eat to comfort themselves…
Indian – Man U and Chelsea fans: improve viewing experience by rubbing vindaloo into your eyes.
Chinese – Sweet, and then sour, with an over-reliance on rice. Arsenal fans can relate.
Pizza Hut – Classic Italian fare for the Newcastle fans seeking to emulate Tonali’s Go Large and Go Home strategy. A bit of a gamble – no returns for a wonky product. But it does come with a massive dip.
Nando’s – Another one for the Man U fans. Celebrate captain Bruno Fernandes getting booked to avoid facing Liverpool, the massive Portuguese chicken!
Burger King – The Whopper: remember, it’s tactical nous and not the now injured or sold top-dollar players that inspired Man City’s dominance. Legally served with triple-cooked books and an XL Fantasy. Use credit to delay charges.
Sushi – Undercooked, overpriced, delicate, and you’ll need about 20 of them to satisfy your needs. Todd Boehly’s on the phone. Nonetheless, an optimistic choice for Chelsea fans – it doesn’t stay down for long.
Fish & Chips – Battered from coast-to-coast. Sheffield United and Burnley fans take this with extra salt and vinegar.
KFC – This one’s for the refs. A handy bucket to put over your head, thereby improving decision making and protecting yourself from complaints.