After a revelation brought on by a heroic dose of cash, Jordan Henderson demonstrated his astonishing powers of prescience, correctly divining Saudi Arabia’s happy-go-lucky vibe, football-conducive weather, massive crowds and world-class play.
Leaving his principles behind, he set forth into the desert to spread the holy gospel of football.
Henderson adapted to the deep desert as if born to it. To blend in with the dunes, he ditched his rainbow-coloured armband.
Next, to prolong his survival, he donned a shillsuit – an outfit designed to recycle his own bullshit.
All this allowed him to integrate seamlessly with the tens of football fanatics dwelling in the dunes.
Leading a raid to find Harko-sexuals to throw off buildings, he reunited with former mentor Gerard.
The Liverpool legend, thought to have ended his managerial career as a turncoat Villan, was now plying his trade as a smuggler of his own overblown reputation.
Finally, having impressed the desert-folk with his unwavering dedication to the cause, he’s on the next heighliner out to Ajax – another part of the world that desperately needs to learn about football.
Yep, not at all a giant worm.