Bringing Christmas cheer to an end-of-pier venue near you, Roy and Pep are taking their Yuletide variety show around the country.
The pair are very much inspired by the comedy double acts of the past like Morecambe and Wise, Cannon and Ball, Lukaku and Werner.
Pep, naturally, plays the ‘cultured’ straight-man, a turtle-necked snob whose intricate schemes are foiled by the cheeky, scampering Roy:
ROY: What’s this then Pep?
PEP: It is called a rondo. A concentrated, refined training technique. Sadly far in advance of your conception my nonagenarian friend. We are no longer kicking a pig’s bladder between villages, as in your day.
ROY: [Aside] Oh dear, I think he’s been smoking financial dope again. [To Pep] Well, looks like piggy in the middle to me. Give us a go on your whistle then.
PEP: Very well. Just keep them going until I return from my espresso colonic. [Hands over whistle, exits].
ROY: [Blows whistle] Right you tippy-tappy twats, stop that nonsense and let’s get some last-minute penalty practice… Oi! Don’t pass from the penalty spot!
PEP: [Enters] Ayeee! What in the first Christmas of the Great War is this? I’m going to need another colonic.
ROY: Don’t lose your shit. Save it ‘til the last minute [winks to audience, clicks heels].
Warming up for the headline double act will be Roy’s all-singing all-dancing 10-man back line, Grealish’s Popeye impression, Kalvin Phillips’ man vs food challenge and De Bruyne’s magical disappearance.